Dr. Edie

http://www.dreee.com/index.html

I got to attend a presentation by Dr. Edith Eva Eger, Ph.D. last Friday (2012-10-26).  She's 84, an Auschwitz survivor, and she watched her mother go up in smoke.

Don’t call me “Shrink”; call me “stretch”!

I’ve learned this:  Everything is perfectly designed.

Every now and then, you need to take a time-out to access what’s happening (or not happening) in your life.

Thought  Questions:

·       How did you choose your profession?

·       When did your childhood end?

·       Would you like to be married to you?

I and Thou vs. Things è people are more important that material things…but we spend a lot of time acquiring/keeping things instead of developing relationships.

You’ve got to learn to compromise.

Cooperation – all we have is each other.

Coping with the unexpected/unanticipated.

There are diamonds (good people) in the garbage pile (concentration camp/evil situation).

Helping others and getting help from others.

Children:

Children do what they see their parents do.

What you tell your children imprints an image. (It’s a good thing you’re smart because you sure aren’t pretty.)

Children don’t grow on criticism.  When criticized, children learn to play the game by lying and cheating to avoid criticism.

I don’t play tennis or golf.  I read, study, learn, work…because my mother told me, “It’s a good thing you’re smart because you sure aren’t pretty.”

Attitude:

My internal dialog is critical = Attitude.  (Attitude is more important than facts. [Old EDS dicho.])

Expression vs. Depression

If you’re waiting for help from the outside, forget it.  If you’re waiting for someone else to do X to make you happy, forget it.  Dependency = depression. 

Discovery à free yourself from the concentration camp in your mind.

Choice:

You can concentrate on what you’ve lost or look at what (opportunities) you have NOW.

It’s not what happens to us, it’s what we do with it…we’re constantly tested.  Every test is an opportunity.  In the USA, we have opportunity for opportunity.

Close your eyes, imagine somewhere else – perform like you’re there.  You can re-write your script…don’t blame.  I have a dream too (MLK).

Age means nothing; you can die young at any age.

Celebrate what we have vs. mourning loss.

Change: “Why me?” to “What now…what are the new opportunities?”.

Share your secrets.  What comes out doesn’t make you sick, it’s what stays inside that makes you sick. 

USA is the country of 2^nd opinions…you do not have to accept the initial diagnosis.

This X will be what you make of it…don’t give up/don’t give in.

Job (what you do for money) vs. Lifes’ Work (your ministry/calling---what get you fired up/light). Willing --- where there’s a will, there’s a way.  Never stop climbing.

No one can take away what’s in your mind; your attitude. 

Temptation = so we can practice the freedom of choice.

My past = sacred wounds.

Forgiveness – I will not allow you to live inside me. Let go.  The enemy is what I don’t like in me…therefore,  “love your enemy” takes on a new meaning.

Triggers – things that bring back old memories/events.

Finding God creates a new world.  No longer the victim…not allowing others to hurt you.

“Why me” vs. 2^nd Chance attitude.

Songwriters: BASSETT, DAVE / SMITH, BRENT

My eyes are open wide
By the way I made it through the day
I watch the world outside
By the way I'm leaving out today

I just saw Halley's Comet she waved
Said "why you always running in place?"
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere

[Chorus]
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Please don't cry one tear for me
I'm not afraid of what I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close, it's only for today
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/shinedown/second_chance.html ]
I just saw Halley's Comet shooting
Said "why you always running in place?"
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere

[Chorus]
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Here is my chance
This is my chance

Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance [x3]

Positive thinking is OK, but you need Positive Actions to get anything done.

Make a banquet out of adversity – with others who are suffering with you.

Become invulnerable (untouchable, invincible, indomitable).  Thrive on misfortune.

Victim or Survivor mentality.

Self-forgiveness is the hardest.  Guidance from Edie:  ask yourself, “If I had it to do over …”.  If I would have done things differently, I can let go of the guilt.

P’s:

Perfectionism --- want to be > human….no faults, no mistakes…leads to procrastination.  The world passes you by – you become either paranoid or paralyzed.

Stress (good) vs. Distress (bad---can’t deal with not knowing --- what’s going to happened next; no certainty)

Resilience – an individual’s ability to cope with stress and adversity.

Perseverance - steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

Defense Mechanism:

·       Deny  feelings

·       Delusion – avoiding reality

·       Minimalize – it’s not that important.

Divorce:

Frustration, hurt, Anger. ~ alcoholism

Male:

Dominating – know what he wants and says it.

Domineering – pushes other down to raise himself up.

 Maverick 

Choosing to be me and accepting the consequences.

Inner strength – no one can get to me without my permission.  Bullying starts with, “You…”.  It’s dualistic, “I’m right, you’re wrong” thinking.  I can only be right for me, I cannot be right for you.

I can’t stand it:  (Yes you can!)^{x  ---}You can stand a lot.

I live in the USA --- I have choices.

PRACTICE – get better at what you want.

Past = History

Future = Mystery

Present = Gift (get it? Present = Gift)

Change – Grow – become who you want to be.

I have control over:

• ·       Thoughts
• ·       Feelings
• ·       Behavior

German philosopher Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel’s Triad:

• The thesis is an intellectual proposition. (A proposition stated or put forward for consideration, especially one to be discussed and proved or to be maintained against objections.)
• The antithesis is simply the negation of the thesis, a reaction to the proposition.
• The synthesis solves the conflict between the thesis and antithesis by reconciling their common truths, and forming a new proposition.

I have to have it:  No you don’t! f Delayed gratification. Europeans delay buying – they pay cash…NO INTEREST.

Gratitude:

Normandy, June 1944.  The USA saved Europe.

The Beetles have it right:

All You Need is Love

Love, love, love)

(Love, love, love)

(Love, love, love)

There's nothing you can do that can't be done

Nothing you can sing that can't be sung

Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game

It's easy

There's nothing you can make that can't me made

No one you can save that can't be saved

Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time

It's easy

All you need is love

All you need is love

All you need is love, love

Love is all you need

(Love, love, love)

(Love, love, love)

(Love, love, love)

All you need is love

All you need is love

All you need is love, love

Love is all you need

There's nothing you can know that isn't known

Nothing you can see that isn't shown

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

It's easy

All you need is love

All you need is love

All you need is love, love

Love is all you need

All you need is love, all together now

All you need is love, everybody

All you need is love, love

Love is all you need

Love is all you need

Love is all you need

Love is all you need

Authority:

Question authority

Emperor (leader has no clothes).  Looking for scapegoat to take the focus off the real issues and the leader’s failures.  Shift attention.

All men are created equal <> All men are the same.

Anger:

FEAR underlies anger. 
Roosevelt was right, ”The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

Anger = when you don’t get what you want.  Expectations vs. Reality.

Observer vs. Participant

Alcoholic Father: grieving over the father we never had.

Responses:

·       Fight

·       Flight

·       Flow – an alternative to being the victim vs. “the world owes me” attitude

·       Freeze

Adversity:

God getting our attention. Take inventory & make changes.

12 Steps – surrender:  Do what is humanly possible (COURAGE to change the things I can) then turn it over to God.

God grant me the SERENITY to
accept the things I cannot change;
COURAGE to change the things I can;
and WISDOM to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it:

Trusting that He will make all things
right if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen.

Maslow’s Hierarchy:

Abuse of Power

A lot is not enough for some people.

Noble Lie:  Government officials abuse power.   The power of suggestion the big lie. (The holocaust didn’t happen.) Repeat it until people believe it: Plato’s Republic.  Noble Lie: a myth or untruth knowingly told by the elite to maintain social harmony, or the social position of that elite.

Fascists seek to unify their nation based on commitment to an organic national community where its individuals are united together as one people through national identity.  The unity of the nation is to be based upon suprapersonal connections of ancestry and culture through a totalitarian state that seeks the mass mobilization of the national community through discipline, indoctrination, physical training, and eugenics.  Fascism utilizes a vanguard party to initiate a revolution to organize the nation upon fascist principles. The fascist party and state is led by a supreme leader who exercises a dictatorship over the party, the government and other state institutions. Fascism views direct action including political violence and war, as a means to achieve national rejuvenation, spirit and vitality.

The California F-scale is a 1947 personality test, designed by Theodor W. Adorno and others to measure the authoritarian personality. The "F" stands for "fascist". The F-scale measures responses on several different components of authoritarianism. Scores acquired from the F-scale could be directly associated with background components, educational level, and intellectual capacity.  It is an indirect type of test that ensures the result would not be due to the individual's fake responses; this is possible because the purpose of the measurement and which attitude is being measured are initially concealed from the participants. The existence of this correlation could possibly affect the way in which the F-scale accurately measures the authoritarian personality syndrome. The F-Test has two principal purposes: it aims to measure prejudice and anti-democratic tendencies at the personality level.

 Authoritarian personality is a state of mind or attitude characterized by one's belief in absolute obedience or submission to one's own authority, as well as the administration of that belief through the oppression of ones subordinates. It usually applies to individuals who are known or viewed as having an authoritative, strict, or oppressive personality towards subordinates.

When confronted with bigotry and hate, “Tell me more.”

Crime – Punishment/Jail Loop – some offenders prefer jail because it’s safer!

Job:

Opportunities for new beginnings.

Sort out – what will it take for me to stay employed?  Survive = Flow vs. Fight/Flight. Figure out what’s required to stay employed?  Do I need to learn something new?