Whirlwind

Whirlwind

Red Road - Marlin F (Naytahwaush MN)

Missionary Name  <> Indian spirit name

What are you doing? "Nothing".   I thought you did that yesterday:  "I did , but I didn't finish!"

Elder - I just got old;  She's Eskimo= slow walking.

Walking Eagle

Marlin - Wild Rice Roundup - Mahnomen, NM

http://www.wildriceroundup.com/Assets/WWRUwinter2014.png

Black Stone - Whirlwind - Wolf Clan

Sam English - artist

Red Road Crossing - drummers - heartbeat of the people;  bring in God

Born into alcohol

Father was 25- called his mother & she was drinking to = suicide. Marlin was 5.  Funeral - mother screamed.  Uncles - Vetrans - tough.  To marlin - don't cry pussy - be a man ----- next 35 yrs couldn't cry - lump in throat and hold back feelings - no trust in the home/ lots of fear.  No God in the home.   Grandmother - also alcoholic ... Boarding school - very abusive ---- Kneel  on white rice - take the Indian out of you.  

Didn't know how to show love .  Hitting.  Hurt people hurt people.  Violence- chaos-dysfunction.

Vow to never drink. 

Parents would disappear for 3-7 days.

Alcoholic before the 1st drink.  Didn't fit in - different.  "Sugar shack" pay  $2 and  drink --- the magic of alcohol.... Remember the first 3 and not the rest---- but  I changed.  Father grounded me for life!

Normal person wouldn't do it again --- bring $2 and keep coming back ~ AA!  Blackout drinker from the beginning. 

I was nothing in my home.

Elders asked  me to be a helper @ 17 but still sick w alcohol ---- community knew it.

Last good drunk before going to prison - w/ my brother--- stayed drunk for 3 months --- 9/11/2001.  Falling of twin towers... Maybe this is the last day ----- fear for family---emotion....talk w God.  

Help me stop drinking --- I cannot stop on my own.   Capt Morgan and a case bud light ---- and couldn't get drunk ---- take away obsession to drink.

Cuffed.  Jail = Safe fro 90 days.  Treatment center / they cared.   Grief group---- make amends.   Letter to father ---- bashed him for years..... Self pity.   Forgive father - Alcoholic w/o treatment.  Love vs hate ---- missed him --- I needed him and he wasn't present.  

I will never have to drink again. 

Cried for 90 days.

Healing tears - sweet

Self pity tears - salty

Lump in throat vs tears ---- God gave us tears to remove the grief....grief recovery

The Grieving Indian tell the story of Arthur Holmes (Ojibwe)., and the painful lessons he learned as he tried to rebuild his life. This is a powerful, healing book. Every Native American needs to read it for the help and hope it offers. Every person who is not Native American needs to read it for the depth of understanding it will give. A Canadian bestseller.

Unresolved grief--- not ok to cry: not ok to talk about it

Eyes-Windows to the soul

Tears - window washing - cleansing

Got to do both - AA & grief counseling - otherwise revolving door

David e smith

Addiction center adjacent to grief center.  Addiction releases the pain.  Unresolved grief.... Including historical grief/ inherited

The Red Road to Wellbriety: In The Native American Way

12 steps + Native American culture + ceremony

Austin two moons-elder

12 steps =   Harmony --- blueprint for living----the 12 steps are not linear; they're a Circle:

• Steps (East) 1..3 powerless
• Steps (South) 4...6 find out who I am
• Steps 7..9 (West) find your relatives...forgiveness is a spiritual act
• Steps 10..12 ()North) wisdom

Gods power shown thru love

Your job is to be medicine to others

Sent from my iPhone

Red Road - Al Anon (Earl)

Al Anon - Earl

I'm just a jerk - why do I need 2 steps?

Co-dependence

Alcohol is what grown ups do

If you don't clean your  late you cannot join the Navy ---- meeting the expectations of others ---- no vote from me

Perfect family - ignore the elephant - learn to lie very well.  Telling you what I think you want to hear.  Knowing how to act - behavior .  Coverup / fix.  Denial.    Roller coaster .  How can I fix this?  If I just do or say the right thing,  it'll fix everything.

Angry & tired = bad behavior.

Put Wife in trash can!  = abusive behavior .

Al Anon --- see ME doing the right thing.

Al Anon - people showed their scars ---- not my way --- taught to show only the shadow.   Find the people in charge---- learn all the rules so I could fix everything----take over and fix it.  Possessive of the meeting and how it worked.

Lots of resentments --- distrust of old timers.   Lots of ego. 

If its not broken , I'll fix it until it is.

I usu. expect the worst - alcoholic childhood

HP is not in the past or future.  If I'm in the past or future,  I'm alone.

Nobody cares if I'm not perfect

It doesn't matter WHY.

If my hair's on fire, don't ask "how did they happen?"  Put out the fire  and don't worry about why.

Happily ever after = now.

I have everything I need.... My wants are constantly changing

I'm ok - it's ok

Learning to fly

Sent from my iPhone

Red Road Al Anon Meeting

Alanon

Aloha-God's breath to you-----my God be in you and with you throughout the day

Councilor NM-boarding school.

Taught not to feel- hurt too much

Illinois - CA w/ Anglo families for school. No hug when left home. Safe at the mission - not safe at home... Scolded me - others worried - I didn't know my father & brother were drunk & fighting.  Graduated in CA.  Lived with sister & her husband.  Drinking& drugging after HS - but didn't keep it up---stopped @ 21!  Learned from experience. 

Job Corps center in OK.  Married Seminole-Choctaw  man. .. He  Joined army - Korea -  very drunk when he returned.  DUI.  Thought I was responsible.  Jail. Car impounded.  Ft. Polk LA - class for DUI ---- feeling that I was responsible.    We're in love with their potential---- continued drinking thru military.  Rugby & drinking...Ft Benning another DUI --- 17 yrs in USA - my bottom --- crying --- felt sorry for myself because I couldn't fix husband.

Whiteboard my story - circle the people/ relationships w/ alcohol.

Sponsor --- keep coming back

Al Anon. Family in GA then Tulsa ok

Emotionally still a child

(Emotional age - when I started drinking)

Taking responsibility for ME and my thoughts actions feelings ---- not blaming others for my situation

4th --- awareness

The program is to help me fill my potential ----not about me helping someone else fill their potential ....

God is big beautiful  and unknowable

Sent from my iPhone

Red Road - Becoming Conscious

Become Conscious

Willy Johnson

Fear

Love

Happiness

Disruption

Stress

Unbalanced

Hurt

Sensitive

Confusion

Heroes are not perfect

Cope

Fantasy

Be a man

Be tough, rough

Confusion

Emotional wreck

Aware of good&bad

Get away from fathers alcoholism

Destroyed family

Escape = boarding school

2 vehicles - spoiled. Ambitious

 Parents.  Both worked.

Catholic school-doubt!

KOMA radio at night - rock&roll

Believing I'm smart/smarter than everybody. Sexual abuse at the school by the nuns...didn't realize it.

Music trumpet-fun.   Resentment; confession -- catechism--big turn off--abuse&shame, St Michael's AZ Private school -education important St Mary's downtown ABQ (big difference from Isleta Pueblo) ----very good experience - urban - learned street life - all kinds of people - downtown ABQ cool.  How to live like a non-Indian. 

Pregnant@ end of HS.

Guitar player.

Sex-drug-RR --- lost all fear while living the R&R lifestyle ----w/ a child +2 after HS.  Still coming down after the summer of love

Failed husband and father

(Sex, drug, R&R) * 2

Moved to SFO - further away than  DAL!  Always trying to escape.

Something missing in life...

Hit bottom

Spiritual awaking

Native am AA

At AA meeting I asked, "Who's in charge?"  I was told, "God - but I'll sign your paper".

Wolfram

Wolfram

Origins: The Storytelling of Science (ASU)

Origins: The Storytelling of Science

March 30, 2013

The Storytelling of Science features a panel of esteemed scientists, public intellectuals, and award-winning writers including astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, theoretical physicist Brian Greene, Science Friday’s Ira Flatow, American science educator William Nye popularly know as Bill Nye The Science Guy, popular science fiction author Neal Stephenson, Tim Minchin (tentative), actor and musician, Tracy Day, executive director of the World Science Festival and Origins Project director Lawrence Krauss as they discuss the stories behind cutting edge science from the origin of the universe to a discussion of exciting technologies that will change our future. They will demonstrate how to convey the excitement of science and the importance helping promote a public understanding of science. The panel discussion is sure to be a provocative and entertaining finale to our Origins Stories events. We look forward to seeing you there!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J4QPz52Sfo